Yes it is Friday! weekend is around the corner and I am not so tired today. Could be all the candy I have eaten today.( Yes I know that it is not saturday and candy day). But I was given two small boxes with candy today. A coworker did not want them, so he gave them to me! Yey! 

I am so very happy! I think that today will be a very good day. Even for a little darkling like me…. 

I spoke with my dad yeaterday and he told me some good news. My grandmother whom have been very ill and spent time in the hospital for a massive coronary thrombosis during the weekend could go home yeaterday. It was touch and go for her, but she pulled through and that is good. She is over eighty and still going strong! I wish I can be as full off life and energy at her age. She is one tough coockie and I do admire her! Half of my childhood was spent with her and my grandpa, so much of who I am today is thanks to her and him! My grandpa died many years ago in an massive coronary thrombosis….

But I guess that we never know when the bell toll. I am not worried though, when ever my time is, it is up. Because in the end we all will go the same way. 

("That is not dead which can eternal lie,
And with strange aeons even death may die. " HP Lovecraft)

 It just is one of those days when everything feels like I want to stick my head in a whole, or pull the covers over my head and npt wake up til spring…. Yes! These type of days are the once when I like to crank the volume up, close my eyes and drift away listening to Coriolis music. Songs like Cry Wolf, Welcome to my world and a few others sits just fine. Gives me strenght to continue for the rest of the day. 

My family are my strenght as well, do not think anything else! But sometimes when I feel drained the music gives me back the energy that I need. Yes the music sounds dark, but as I allready have stated earlier dark is not bad. Even the darkness can give comfort and strenght, because even in there is there some light if you look closer. Even black has diffrent shades. I will come back to this every now and then, becasue I can….

So today is just one of those days when I need to listen and regain my strenght, in order to funktion the rest of this day. I hope I have a better Friday.

 Lets see! It is Wendsday and November…. Hmm, it is dark outside and foggy. Could that be why I feel so dark and happy on the inside? Yes I am happy and dark on the inside today and it is possible! 

It could be that I am allready tired and want to go home and sleep, but it could allso be another poem starting to come to form…. One could never realy tell…. I am a very cheerful goth, with a twisded mind and humor that hit the depths quite often! No, not depressed or sad, just dark and twisded, (try Burton dark) and you have come close. It is not so that I long for death or hang at cemetaries…. I just like the darker parts in life, because it is where we can work on helping the light come through…. Darkness is not bad, it is just a good place to go when you need some lone time from everything. A place to catch up with yourself and breathe, so you can make it a bit longer in this world that we live in. In order to rest in the light later you have to walk through the valley off death first. When your time is up  you get the reward and go in to the light. But before we can go there we have to build the beakons of light to shine in the dark here. 

So that is why I am happy and dark on the inside.

 I can not help but wounder why we have all these products to help get rid of wrinkels, so that we will look younger. They are expensive and tiny, with a big promise that you will emeditly look so much younger! Well I would never ever use them, because I think that no matter how young you look, you still grow old on the inside. You can not fool death by looking younger! Why are we so oppsessed with age, or rather the lack of age? I will turn 40 next year, and I am happy to say so! I am not afraid to grow old, I kind of like it. 

So if you realy still think that you need to look younger? Well to start with, get a body lotion with vitamine E and oliv oil. Use that after every shower. Find a shower lotion/soap with vitamine E an oliv oil in. When you remove makeup, instead of the expensive stuff in the store, use regular cheep olivoil! Pour some in your hand, massage it in your face and whatever other area you have had makeup on. then you take the shower soap/ loiton and wash off the oliv oil. Done your skin is smooth and clean. If you like to take baths, put some drops of olive oil in the bath water, it works wounders for the skin and hair.

So who needs to buy these exensive products, when you have cheeper better once in your own kitchen? 

When people start to inject fluids so that they will apair to be brown, put things in side of them to make bodyparst stand out, then something is dead wrong! What is wrong with what is you? If you alter to much you kind of loose yourself. Terry Pratchett says it really good in Witches abroad, even if it has to do with mirrors…. The context is that if you look for to long into a reflection that is a reflection, that is a reflection of yourself you will get lost and loose yourself. The same thing goes with all the altering that is done to a body. When you alter something, you intend to loose a bit that was you. 

I just put on makeup fix my hair and get derssed. What I put on is who I am not anything else. I am still me when I look into the reflection in the mirror. I am not lost, I am me! I imbrace me with all my good sides and the once I do not like so much, they together makes me.

 It started yestrday evening. My pain was worse than usual. Not even a tiny little warning, but there it was just like someone took a knife and twisted it around in my hip!

So with very little sleep and painkillers in the system I am at work trying to get something done. I wish this day could go a little faster, so that I can go home and feel like spaced out. Ever had that feeling? I was bored out of my scull last night, but I had no strenght to get up and find something to do…. So I stayed in bed stairing at nothing but darkness, trying to sleep. It was very long hours there in the dark…. So this day is in the coma drooling zombie state…. Yes I am physically here, but my brain is out of order!

I am trying to get myself together, but it is not really working…. Maby it will be better tomorrow…. 

One good thing today was that we lit candels at the breakfast table this morning! It was nice and relaxing to eat with only candle light watching the sun come up. 

Take care!

So, I wear black , heavy makeup and like non mainstream music! Yes I am not  under thirty and I still refuse to follow the mainstream. 

I like when people stare because they can not make head or tailes of what they see…. I have a diffrent style which is a mix of Goth, Industrialgoth, metal and Victorian with Christian in front. I dress just as I feel, the music varies, but it is mostly Goth, industrial goth, metal. One of my favorite bands are Coriolis.

If you are in to this kind of stuff and you have never heard of Coriolis I suggest that you go to www.coriolisband.com. You will not regret it! This type of music works no matter what you do or feel! 

If you have a problem with what I wear I do not really care, I just enjoy your reaction. The  more you stare and look confused or so, the happier I get! We are all diffrent and maby you like what you have, but I like what I have and I do not stare at you!

 Well, it is Tuseday and the weather is greayish. It is not cold or warm…. Is this the end time? I do not want to complain, but it is strange that the cold has not yet come. ( I like teh warmth more) But right now it should be snow and cold, not gray and warm…. Besides it is so dark now before the snow comes. I wish I could go some place warm with sun and skip this part.

But I guess it is just a nother day…. Tomorrow is a bright new day, hopefully less grey. I start to feel like Ior, gloomy and a little melancholy…. But just a tad. 

Maby I should consider lightning up some and look at things from a brighter side…. Nope, did not work!

Maby i could light some candles later this evening, it is defenetly that time of the year. Mmmm, candles and hot tea…. yes, sounds just right! I might just do that!  just sit there and feel the darkness slowly creaping up around me…. See the shadows dance upon the walls…. could be nice. Might happen tonight….

Well this day is soon over. I will soon make some deep zzzz! Bye for now!

Friday evening was a blast! We went bowling with the church youthgroup! I have not had that much fun in a very long time!

 So, this weekend went slow. That was good, I had time to relax and enjoy the company of my husband. Our kids were out the entire weekend on a sleepover.

We were supposed to fix in our extra storage area, but did we? No, we acctually just sat or lay the whole weekend. It was really nice, just hangin´doing nothing but being lazy. 

Then Monday hit! Why? Why did it have to be Monday again? I would not mind to have a litle longer weekend, just this once…. But no! Up and off to work! So far Monday have been sort of ok, so well…. But I still hate Mondays! Can anyone tell me anything good about Mondays?

 Well It is this time of the year! When we dress up go out, eat candy and have fun looking as scary as we can. Our kids run around asking Trick or Treat,so they can eat more candy than they could possibly take in.

Right now the weather is perfect, grey, gloomy and dark. It is a perfect halloween mood, I hope it lasts the whole weekend! Skip the rain though.)

So are you a fan of this weekend or do you rather hold on to the old ways? I for one will hang on to them bouth. We need them bouth in their own ways. Why? We need something to scare away the darkness that is heavy this time of year and to dress up in costume is perfect, but we need to be able to remember the dead a little extra, so we need that one as well. I see no harm in celebrating bouth.